Two’s a crowd?

Despite having made some yummy gingerbread this weekend, I have to say I have lately been feeling something akin to despair fairly regularly. I mean, regarding the girls. They just… Wind each other up, wind us up. It is constant. One, or both are ceaselessly hanging off me, crying to be carried, fighting over the same one toy or piece of food out of a houseful…

By the end of a bad day, I never remember what specifically made me feel so… Desperate. When I express this AW points out two things: that she deals with this every day and that we aren’t doing something wrong to make them scream and wail like banshees. This is just what happens, partly because there are two of them, she says.

I do worry though.

We have made choices to be a close, ‘attached’ family. I stand by those choices, but I read that attachment parenting creates children who cry less. Our two do not do that. I wonder whether I will ever feel that I’s propensity for screaming is not due to O’s breastfeeding, and her not; O being worn and her not (she just wouldn’t! She always screamed blue murder!). Now she wants to but I only have one back.

We try so hard to show both of them that we love them equally. But I loves to run over and pluck away the toy O had just picked up. She also has been hitting O for ages. Now O has finally begun to retaliate. They are accordingly at each other sooooo much of the time. We try to address it without anger or raised voices, but sometimes it feels like it is a constant battle and I/ we have no idea what to do.

Maybe it is only because they are not feeling well at the moment?

Ugh.

Twin mamas, any insight? Words of comfort?

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2 thoughts on “Two’s a crowd?

  1. I don’t have good advice đŸ˜¦ I can tell you what I do, sometimes I do raise my voice and I think it’s ok. I try not to but I do. I get loud but firm, not hysterical scream/shout. Just loud. So they know I mean it. NO HITTING, and move the offender a few feet away. It’s not an official time out, I have never been good at following through on that and it hasn’t been necessary. They both end up crying and I end up hugging them both. But we have very little hitting and the biting has also slowed down.

    They go through phases when it seems like they’re crying all the time but it’s because they are navigating something they don’t understand, and we have no way of figuring it out, we just kind of have to muddle through.

    I don’t know what to tell you about the bfing and the wearing. I stopping bfing Apple because Banana couldn’t do it and I couldn’t handle the emotions that came with bf one and not the other. I did wear apple and not banana, she hated it, she is still not snuggly, hugging does not solve her problems the way it does even now for my snuggle bug boy.

    I don’t know if I believe that any one style of parenting means kids will cry less. Kids cry. A lot. I think being consistent with however you choose to parent will make you more predictable and your kids will cry less with predictability. I have seen it first hand. They cry when they are insecure and that can mean a lot of things and sometimes it means they need a hug but I think sometimes it also means they just don’t know what’s going to happen next.

    You can do it, two toddlers are hard. Every day I think i am doing it wrong until they are asleep and then I thank Gd for how lucky I am to have two beautiful kids.

  2. I wonder how we are being unpredictable though? I feel that we are being consistent – we calmly tell the girls when something is wrong and try to follow through with consequences e.g. if they do something naughty we tell them, and warn them they will lose the toy / have to get out of the bath or whatever if they do that again. Then we do it. It might be good to have an expert come along and analyse that aspect of our parenting for a day!

    Thank you for the answer – I really appreciate it. xxx

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