Love, babies and rights- obstacles in two cultures

Ok, still tons to remember to write about and so little time!
I want to talk about the Certificate Saga and Settling In soon, but just now I am going to write retrospective note about our fertility treatment in Bangkok, seeing as I heard from one of the mamas I referred to Dr X yesterday. I have referred 4 other couples to this dr – mostly farang (or like us, a binational couple). This mama was refused treatment. I was shocked and sad for her, but I have been thinking about it, and have concluded that it could be for these reasons:
1) too upfront about two mummies. Even before the consultation- I know other couples who have actively said “we are doing this together!”, but not at that very first stage. Thais really, actually live and breathe ‘unspoken understanding’. He understood my relationship with AW perfectly, but none of us ever said it. Not till the girls were born.
2) this written down. Even if he accepts same-sex clients (he does!! (did?)), it is not officially allowed. Therefore, I think writing it down, and expecting an answer in black and white would yield disappointment.
3) the Gammy factor. AW believes that the couple who used a Thai surrogate, had twins, and refused the down-syndromes sibling is making it harder on ‘farang’ to gain access to this sort of fertility treatment. Thai women cannot have fertility treatment if unmarried, but for farang (foreigners) the rules are usually waived (and often, fees increased). If the Gammy news has caused an increased scepticism and reluctance to treat farang, then I think it is a shame. However, I see both perspectives, and if farang are given special privileges in Thailand (such as affordable surrogacy, for example), and behave that way, then perhaps Thai medical professionals ask themselves why they should treat them? Or perhaps it isn’t that; perhaps, as with visas lately, there has been pressure to actually enforce the rules which are in place. In any case, I feel sorry for the mama who asked for my help with this. Maybe the goalposts have moved.

Hopefully, if she were to enquire again, as a single foreign woman, then she would get somewhere.

Interestingly, we just went on a really fantastic pride parade here in Prague. Here, unlike in Thailand, same-sex unions have been passed into law (by a teeny margin). However, property rights are not akin to marriage, and fertility / parental / adoption rights seem to be very bad indeed; same-sex partners can’t adopt each other’s children or adopt as a couple. Etc.
I realised two things at pride. The first was that I miss it. I can’t believe Bangkok has barely ever had a pride. The municipality would sneer at locking down a street for the freaks, I think, as behind the liberal facade, you are dealing with an entrenched and deeply conservative society. The second thing was that unlike marching in London or Brighton, here in Eastern Europe there are still many reasons to march; many people had travelled a long way for today, to show solidarity for LGBT people. There were many people, for example , from Russia.

I wish that all the decisions we make, as adults, were sensible ones. I wish people who are in love had the freedom to love without interference. And I wish that people in love could bring children into their lives without obstacles beyond those facing them biologically and financially if they are a same-sex couple.

Love is love.


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