We are having a daily battle here of some kind. I have been feeling quite distant from Ivy as through establishing breast feeding with Olive my attention has been largely monopolised by her. This is the central problem; how to give them both equal attention when their needs are so different?
Today we decided I would spend some dedicated cuddle time with Ivy, and AW and auntie would feed O breast milk from the bottle. From my perspective, that was great; Ivy and I did a but of snuggling, and though she can’t feed at the breast, she really liked it and we had a little skin to skin doze together, and she was very calm. Unlike yesterday (screaming all morning) and last night (screaming since 4am).
I had begun to feel quite anxious about Olive’s successful breastfeeding increasingly alienating Ivy. It almost killed me to hand olive over for bottle feeds with Auntie.
Sure enough, it threw everything off, and Olive refused her afternoon feed (from the bottle). I then decided to put her back at the breast, as she had to eat something, and the gap since the last feed was widening. What happened then was really tough. She refused the breast completely, in a huge rage. I had some (LOVELY, twin mum) friends here and they’d seen me feeding Olive last wk. they could not believe what a state she was working herself into this time. It was really upsetting. Every time something like that happens, I feel that the precious work we did getting Olive to accept the breast has all been lost.
In the end, as she was really, really hungry, we offered her formula in a cup. She drank it down in less than five minutes.
I have been feeling in the doldrums these last couple of days. I am really not sure at this point that breast feeding is worth the angst.
If I can express and give them bottles of my milk, then both twins are on an even footing, and each will get shared attention.
However, I love that closeness we have breast feeding, especially as we worked so hard to get it. I have asked a few specialists to pay us a visit, but as it has been the holidays it hasn’t happened yet.
Hands up though, I REALLY need some help or I’m not going to be able to sustain this; I must find a way to be close to them both, and if that means bottles, or even formula in bottles, it’s a price I’m willing to pay.