Tomorrow morning I go into the hospital. Early – 6am. I will be ‘prepared’ by the nurses. I know that involves some certain shaving (I will wax a bit today if I am capable – otherwise the stubble will grow back under my c-section dressing) and an enema. That’s all I know.
Last night I had a bit of a panic attack. It sort of hit me – the ENORMITY of Friday. I am not very good with pain/ the anticipation of pain/ injections/ blood – the idea of the spinal block epidural pretty much knocks me out without the need to administer the drug, if you see what I mean.
I am in a bit of an odd place. I am totally over this pregnancy body; I mean, I weigh 98 kilos. That’s 200lbs. That is a gain of 27 kilos. My legs really look like like uncooked sausages; my tissue is straining to contain the extra fluid and so I am covered in cellulite-like bumps, and I have fat creases around my ankles.I am experiencing more and more odd pains and aches in my abdomen, although nothing I can say sounds like it could be a Braxton Hicks or a contraction. I’m fed up of the sensation of my belly resting on my thighs and having to sit with my legs splayed to be comfortable. So I really want Friday to be here.
But also – we will have two little people to care for. What if there is something wrong? What if I am rubbish at it? Which names are we finally going to settle on? How will I cope with feeding? What if my pain relief doesn’t work and I feel them cutting me open? What if I never get fit again and I look like a beached whale forever? What if I never get to lie on the sofa all day being a slob again? What if I drop one of the babies?
I have a few little errands to run today, including addressing the Christmas cards I lovingly made and then left in a pile on the table because I was to zombificated after the end of term. I also need to see if I can pick up some nipple cream. More glamorously, we decided to try and do an DIY pregnancy photoshoot this morning (one errand already ticked off the list!). I have a great camera (photography is quite a hobby of mine (check out my other blog here if you are interested) and was conscious that though we have documented the bump quite closely in the blog, all the pics are iPhone pics, in crappy lighting, and we have barely any of us together (AW hates photos). We had asked a friend who is a fantastic photographer, but there wasn’t any time left before hospital when she was free, so we went down to the garden in our condo and asked some strangers to take some shots. Although they are really badly done (neither kind stranger knew how to focus the camera on us, clearly) they are lovely pictures and I am really glad we took them , professional or no..!
If you want to see them I’m putting them up password protected before I go out to run the remaining errands – just email me for the password (see contact tab on the menu).
I’m going to ask a question which may involve TMI for many of you, so no need to read on if you are easily grossed out (clue above in the subheading ‘poo’). Another symptom I have had for perhaps the last few weeks is kind of diarrhoea. I have googled it. It’s not exactly great/ normal but it’s reasonably common. Basically I go for a squoochy poo 6 or 7 times a day. The consistency is like vomit. Not watery, but not firm, and kind of mixes up with the water in the toilet bowl. I am so over it. Every time the little baby kicks backwards, or I get wind, I think I might have an accident. So far it hasn’t happened. Google says it may be because the poo has trouble squeezing through my intestines because the babies are taking up so much room. *sigh* I am actually excited about having an enema.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this?
Love, love, love!