So. I have been utterly exhausted this week – I mean totally addled, physically drained and feeling like I don’t know how I will make it through work with this increasing load. My feet and legs feel terrible – as though they are recovering from being beaten. My tummy is definitely growing (please see the “In Pictures” page) and however I arrange my body when seated, lying down or standing, something seems to be uncomfortable or painful.
I had a bit of a freak out on Monday night as I just can’t imagine the next 6 working weeks will be tolerable. Lots of tears and general babyish behaviour. I am so used to being fit and strong. The first trimester was difficult in a different way – I was tired and nauseous and very affected by the pregnancy hormones. However my body still was very much my own; it looked the same as it was before, I still had my full range of movement. It’s shaping up to be true for me that the middle trimester is a breeze. I felt great and was able to watch my cute and non-intrusive bump begin to poke out a bit.
Now the babies are growing in earnest and my bump is poking out and getting in the way. I keep bumping and brushing things and people with my tummy as I misjudge distances; I have to choose between a good night’s sleep and de-puffed feet in the morning; my legs and feet are just a pain; I can’t remember things – I forgot part of my weekly timetable and stayed in the office, leaving a bunch of kids unattended on Wednesday. I felt like absolute shit about it.
I mean, how am I going to keep going if things are already this bad?
I am not bitching – I wanted this so much and no one ever said pregnancy was easy. However, I find myself looking forward to the end and the arrival of the babies with longing. That’s not something I expected really, as I am conscious that before they come AW and I should be enjoying each other as much as poss etc etc.
I had a bad dream last night where I felt very cross with our Dr; he told us that the small twin probably isn’t going to make it and might die soon, and that Biggo is a boy after all. We were in the UK and were desperately seeking a second opinion, but it was the weekend and everything was closed. One of the Senior Management Team from my school was listening to my belly and trying to find a heartbeat. I was really happy on waking to find it was all a dream.
Anyway, sorry if this post has been gloomy. I am sure I’ll feel better by next post.
On a positive note, another blogger I follow has had some AMAZING news and it really lifted my mood to hear it. Go Jenn! Praying for a multiplying beta on Monday!