Blood

Dr called me this morning with my blood test results. Not great news, but not too bad.

A) Blood glucose should be less than 140, mine came back at 141.

B) Red blood cells are down because these babies are using up all my iron – I’m anaemic!

Action required for A) is just monitoring, thank god! No need for that horrible four-hour-four-draw blood test. However, he has warned me to be careful of sugar and of refined carbs.
For B), I need to up the iron supplements. So nothing awful, but not perfect either.

It’s mothers’ day here in Thailand and talking of blood, I am super-frustrated with my MIL. You can’t be openly critical of your elders in Thai /Thai-Chinese culture, and of they are pissed off with you then there is little you can do to placate them without biting your tongue and simpering. Saying what you think makes things worse. The trouble is, my MIL is always pissed off and continually running AW down for being an awful daughter.

I know we should be eternally grateful that she accepts our relationship – things could be so much more fractious, but since I got pregnant she has had a worsening attitude problem. I do understand – she’s afraid. She is by herself and would ideally like us to move into her place or close by to look after her. She only has one daughter and they have not had an easy relationship- it’s only been patched up in the last couple of years since AW moved back to the city. She is fiercely independent but last year decided to replace her knees (both at the same time) and has been feeling pretty sorry for herself ever since. It’s almost a year ago and she’s still suffering some throbbing from internal healing. We pretty much go to see her every weekend- but any disruption to this she starts complaining.

Then there’s the pregnancy… No sooner is their relationship rebuilt, we announce that, and our plans to relocate to the UK. I do understand the worries and concerns she is feeling, however, it’s really frustrating and painful for me to listen to her castigate the woman I love over and over again. She keeps going on about how they aren’t AW’s babies and that i’ll leave her – then AW will apparently ‘understand’…! And she can’t only complain once- she just can’t control herself and her self pity. At the moment, visits consists of me being told off for not eating properly, and AW being told off for being a bad daughter. The reason this last time? We were out at the shops and called to ask if she wanted anything. She wanted milk, but she’s fussy and the shops didn’t have the one she liked, so we came back empty handed. The complaining went on and on and in the end I could not listen any more.

She has had the same boyfriend for 25 years, but has chosen to live alone all that time. She now sees him for lunch on Sundays. She has rejected her own chance at companionship, and it’s not fair to make us pay for that. She cannot compute the idea that if it was nice for us to spend time with her, we’d be only too glad to!

AW is one of the most awesome people I have ever met- she is kind and thoughtful and selfless to a fault – she never puts herself first without feeling bad about it. She’s clever, funny and beautiful, and really dedicated in her relationships and work (at which she also has exceptional talent). She really suffers from a deep lack of confidence and I can see exactly where it comes from. To see it continue to be battered without any cause hurts me as well. I want to say what I think to MIL but I risk worsening everything if I do. I can’t see us getting through the next few years without more tantrums from her inability to accept our plans and her fear of being alone- I want so much to protect AW from this most primal of wounds, but I can’t. We have to draw strength from each other.

We are going there later, but this morning AW has already had an earful about how neglected poor mum is blah blah. I am patient, and I have seen AW and her mum build a relationship from almost zero over the last two years. It has grown and got better and there had been far less friction and more smiles as time went on. But it’s definitely got more difficult since the pregnancy, and the big effort made to reconcile them on AW’s part despite so much past hurt is entirely ignored. Now my patience is really being tested. I had hoped that rekindling this relationship would surely bring them both pleasure and satisfaction, but perhaps she is just too toxic? It still seems to be causing AW pain, and we don’t know what to do.

It’s as though MIL has a pain deep in her gut that she needs to inflict on those close to her. No wonder she has almost no one, and those left go with reluctance.

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7 thoughts on “Blood

  1. I have been blessed with the most amazing in-laws. My mom on the other hand is crazy, narcissistic and all in all a pain.

    I’m sorry you have to deal with the constant abuse. Those people we love have the greatest potential to hurt us. I hope you find a way to limit the damage caused to both you and AW without losing the relationship with your MIL.

      1. My in-laws more than make up for my difficult family. We all have our burdens to bear. Family issues are so exhausting, often you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. I hope AW manages to have a more healthy relationship with her mom. Don’t underestimate to power of grandchildren. They can melt the hardest heart.

  2. My glucose came back 142 and my doc made me do that 4 hour horrible blood draw test. After all was said and done I was fine and it came back normal but I was still subjected to sitting in the office for 4 hours and being stuck 4 times for blood draws! Oh no fun at all : (

  3. “I know we should be eternally grateful that she accepts our relationship” … this strikes me, because I know the feeling about being grateful and at the same time reject that notion because on some level, why SHOULD anyone have to be grateful for something that (I believe) should be freely given? We’re grateful because, like you said, it could be worse… but it shouldn’t be like that at all.

    Congrats on not having to do the longer screening, I had to and while it wasn’t as bad as people say, there are better ways to spend a morning.

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